This is a true story. Your brain's default is to find all of the negative... not because there is anything wrong with your brain... it does this to protect you. It thinks that if you are aware of all of the bad things, then it can assume you will be on the lookout and make all the good choices. It operates this way to keep you safe. The problem is that your brain is operating on the premise that you have way more things to be scared of than you actually do, and so it has you living in the land of freak-out, anxiety, and fear for much more time than is actually necessary. And freak-out, anxiety, and fear are not emotions that are conducive to producing your best results. So what should you do?
Thought work is a "coachy" term that is thrown out there, referring to taking the time to examine what your thoughts are and deciding if those thoughts are serving you or not. In our world, this is not something we are usually taught to do growing up. There was never a high school class that taught us that we should stop and think about what we are thinking. This means most of society is walking around thinking that they have no control of their thoughts. Thoughts just happen to them.
The truth is that our thoughts are completely in our control... if we actually stop and think about them. (I know this sounds funny.) And our thoughts are the one thing that influences how we feel. Stopping to see exactly what thought is creating the anxiety or fear you are feeling might lead you to realize there is really nothing to be afraid of at all. This becomes critical work when our thoughts are self-defeating about us (who and what we are). You know, the negative self-talk about;
We all do this to some level, but how helpful is it, and if you really stop to evaluate what you are saying, how true is it? Yet, the thought itself is enough to affect how you feel and, ultimately, how you behave.
Here's a brain hack to help control your brain's shitty thoughts. Since we know our brain will default to looking for the negative, start the day by acknowledging that and just write down the shitty thoughts that you know your brain might throw at you throughout the day. (See examples above.) After you have written down all the crap, tell your brain, "Ok. We have dealt with all the crap. You can now feel free to focus on the things that will actually help us achieve our goals instead of the shit that will hold us back." Then take a moment to list some things you know are positive and true about you (because it is important to remind the brain what is good and true). Later in the day, when you hear in your head, "You are so fat." you can kindly tell the brain, "We already dealt with that this morning, and we know that is not helpful." This might seem silly or crazy, but it actually gives you the power and helps you practice being in control of what you are thinking, instead of letting your brain be a toddler running around the house with a Sharpie marker. It also will affect how you feel. More positive emotions will totally help you perform at a higher level and help you produce better results.
I help my clients learn how to identify their thoughts and understand how their thoughts affect their results. I'd love to help teach you these skills so you can take charge of your outcomes and turn down the noise of the negative committee living in your head. Click here to schedule your complimentary coaching session and see how to turn down the noise.
A couple of days ago, I asked why do you really want to lose weight?
While wanting to be healthier or fitting into a smaller size pair of pants are not bad reasons for wanting to lose weight, I suggested the real reason we want to lose weight is actually that we are trying to like ourselves more. We think we are broken, and we are trying so hard to get fixed. For so many of us, losing weight is part of the quest to get there, and there is where we will find our happiness.
This has totally been a true story for me. I have spent a lot of time in my life thinking that once I lost weight, I would find happiness. I thought I had to lose weight to be liked more by others or worthy enough to be loved. I have done all the things (joined the gyms and created the meal plans) and have lost weight only to gain it back and then totally blamed it on the fallacy that something was really wrong with me. And the few times I had gotten to a much smaller size (I got there), life was still 50/50- there was not a miraculous spell of happiness that fell upon me. Losing weight allowed me to not beat myself up as much, but it did not solve my problems. Talk about a helpless place to be.
We believe in getting there and finding happiness so hard, and we do all the things we have been told to get there. We choose food plans (that we do not enjoy). We create exercise goals (that make us want to cry). We do these things as a means to the end of getting there. But we missed the most important part... and that is that happiness is not the destination, but is actually a necessary element in the journey if we are ever really going to get there. We fixate on what is wrong with us and try to hate ourselves into a better place as if hating ourselves enough will make us good.
What if we focused on what we were already amazing at rather than focusing on what we needed to fix? How might that change our results? Don't we treat those we love better than those we despise? I want to propose that this is why we are not only not hitting our weight loss goals but also other goals we have set in so many areas of our lives- that reason is that we do not like ourselves enough to treat ourselves with love and compassion. We think we can beat ourselves into someone or something better. It's a vicious cycle... We don't like something about us, so we need to be fixed, which causes us to focus on actions that we dread to be better, all the long beating ourselves up and waiting for happiness.
What is your brain telling you about YOU? How are you talking to yourself? Are you inadvertently trying to hate yourself good?
I work with my clients to help them identify the thoughts that are driving their results. I'd love to help teach you the skills to overcome this and get the outcomes you truly desire. Please click here to schedule your complimentary coaching session to explore what coaching could bring to your life.
Did you start the year out with a resolution to lose weight?
How is it going? This is the 4th week of 2021, so most people have already started over 4 times! Every Monday is a new start, right? Is this you?
Have you ever stopped to ask, "Why do I really want to lose weight?" Most will say to be healthier or to look better, or maybe they want to get back into their skinny jeans. While these all seem like legit reasons, they are probably not the real reason.
Most people want to lose weight because they are really just trying to find a way to like themselves more. True story.
They have learned that they are broken through conditioning because they are not a certain weight or look the way society says they should look.
So they join gyms, hire trainers, take supplements, create food plans, and continue practicing hating their bodies to "fix" themselves - to make them like themselves more. And sometimes they even lose weight... but they do not necessarily feel better about themselves.
Their ultimate goal is to stop feeling bad. They think once they lose "x" number of pounds, they will be there, and once they get there, they will feel better. They will finally be happy. Except it doesn't work that way. The issue is not the weight but rather the fact they hate themselves in the first place and think losing weight is the way to correct that.
Don't believe me? Substitute weight with a career or a financial situation, or a romantic relationship.
"I will be happy when I finally have _____________."
Once they get there, they can finally be happy.
It's our thoughts of there that are actually the problem.
What if you are already there and you are missing out on all of the happiness?
What if you are not broken and don't need to be fixed?
What if you just need to change your thought about there? Or what if you give yourself permission to be happy now, on the way to there?
This is what I help the women I work with do. I help them look at their thoughts.
You can lose weight. Losing weight is just math. It's the thoughts about it - and the thoughts about you- that are the problem. I invite you to take advantage of a free coaching session to explore some of your thoughts that might be holding you back from your happiness.
It killed me to pack my things and leave.
My husband and I had decided to divorce.
I was moving out of the house that I had made a home for 17+ years.
It's where the kids grew up.
It is the place where potty training happened, and late night nursings.
It's where Santa and the Tooth Fairy visited.
It's where the swing set and sandbox resided, and where birthday candles were blown out.
The only home the kids had really known, and I was with them
One night I lived there... the next night I did not.
Friends showed up, we put my stuff in a pick-up, and I moved into my 2 bedroom apartment.
It was scary,
and - NECESSARY -
all at the same time.
My heart broke that my marriage dreams were falling apart; that my family would not all be under the same roof anymore.
I worried about my kids.
Would they be okay?
I worried if they would come to my new home?
And yet, I was no longer in a place (a relationship) where I was forced to compromise... about every thing.
Taking the first step to honor me...
That part felt free.
After 23 years of being a wife and mother, there were very few moments I was ever actually alone.
And now there were several nights a week that I was ALL ALONE.
It was confusing. It was awkward.
I remember sobbing in the shower one night. So loudly.
And then I remember Kelly Clarkson.
She sang to me... and then we sang together...
She sang a song I had never heard before and it spoke to me. So loudly.
"The War is Over"
She told me "The War is Over"
And it was truth.
In the shower that night I felt relief.
I knew I still had a lot to figure out.
I knew it wasn't going to be easy.
I knew I still had some fights to have -
But, THE war was over.
The war that had been tearing me apart.
The war that forced me to compromise my beliefs and my being.
This was not my surrender.
This was me choosing to fight for me.
This was me deciding to put my energy into fights that were worth fighting.
So what did I start fighting for?
?I fought to become a student of how to have a better life.
?I fought my own ugly self-talk and learned how to begin practicing self-care.
?I fought to learn how to not live paycheck to paycheck.
❤️I fought to discover my personal value. I learned that I do not have to settle.
?I fought to release self-limiting beliefs and do brave things. I got a new job. I learned new skills. I became a Life Coach.
?I started a business.
?I learned how to start getting the results I wanted and to not be a victim of my circumstances.
If any of my story resonates with you, connect with me. I want to teach you the skills I have learned. I'd love to hear your story and help you navigate your journey to get the results you want.
I've included the link below to the song, just incase you are curious.
Thank you Kelly!
INTENTIONAL... this is the word I have been focused on all week. When we are intentional we do things on purpose. We are deliberate in our actions. We are working for a certain outcome. When we are intentional we make things happen... at work, at home, and in our relationships.
This becomes really tricky when it comes to our thoughts. When we are intentional we have to think intentionally too, but most of us think our thoughts are just something that happen to us.... and to some extent that is true.
But it doesn't have to be.
According to random statistics on Google, the typical human has between 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts/day. If we consider that the majority of those thoughts happen to us in our waking hours, we are talking about a minimum of several hundred to a few thousands thoughts per hour. How many of them are you even conscious of? Google also suggests that up to 80% of those thoughts are negative thoughts about yourself or the circumstances around you. Wow! That is really scary, because
Our thoughts become our reality.
An unmanaged mind will create an unmanaged reality - an unmanaged life.
What are the thousands of thoughts in your brain each day telling you? What reality are you creating for yourself? Are you able to separate the factual thoughts in your mind from the stories you are creating? If you had to guess, what percentage of your 60,000 thoughts are negative?
I help women everyday see their mind. I help women find awareness and choose to be intentional. Are you ready to be intentionally intentional, or will you be like most people and intentionally remain unaware?
Schedule a free consult with me today! I'd love to consider this with you.
I was sick of struggling to pay my bills. I was tired of finding myself in relationships that went nowhere, and dating guys that made me feel less than worthy. When I went through my divorce I felt like the worst mom in the world. My self-esteem was challenged. What was wrong with me?
There was nothing wrong with me...
except my thoughts.
After getting out of an unhealthy, 23 year marriage I embarked on a journey to re-invent myself. On this journey I have developed the belief in myself and the skills that have empowered me to start crafting the life I want, instead of the life I thought I was stuck with. I have learned that I am not the victim of my circumstances. I have learned that what seems impossible is only temporary. I have learned I am not damaged, and never was. I have begun to learn my worth.
Do you feel like there is supposed to be more to your life? Do you feel stuck? Is there a voice inside telling you that you are more than your current reality?
I get you girl!!
And I want to help you find your inner strength. Come spend an hour with me and let's discuss where you want to be. I can help you craft a plan to get there!
Click here to book a free consult with me today!
I used to teach public school, so I have a lot of friends who are teachers. My heart has been heavy this week as I have watched them post announcements, memes, and articles on Facebook related to what school will be this year. Some of the posts have included scientific facts surrounding COVID. Some have been light-hearted. Some have spelled out the details of what they will be facing this fall when school is back in session. It's been interesting to read their comments, and the comments of others. Truly so much is unknown. It's the not knowing that feeds feelings of fear and anxiety.
Some of my friends work in districts that are going to have mixed models of instruction, meaning some of the students will only participate online, some will be only in person, and some will do a hybrid (some online/some in person). Many of my friends got the news this week that they will be 100% in person with full classrooms, and the kids may or may not be wearing masks. For the parents reading this, they, or their colleagues around the country will be teaching your children.
I'm curious how parents are feeling about this? What are your thoughts and what are you feeling? The decision to send your kids to school or keep them home is one I'm sure is weighing heavily on so many of you. Please post your comments below. I'd like to explore some of those thoughts and feelings in a future blog post and I'd like to make this a part of the COVID Coaching Package I am creating. Watch for details soon.
How many times did you happen to think that thought last spring when your kid(s) came home to stay after the Corona Virus entered our lives? Did you panic knowing you were now the "teacher"? Did you break out in hives with the thought you may have to learn how to multiply fractions again? (Seriously, do we really have to know how to do that?) Did you deliver a message full of profanity to the Universe, as you clearly expressed to your girlfriends over wine on more than one occasion that you could NEVER home school your children? And now you were!
That you are reading this blog post, you clearly survived, but how did the very unconventional end of the school year go for you and your family? When you think about what you were able to do, do you still wonder if it was enough? Are you afraid that your kids did not complete enough workbook pages, or read enough books, or write enough paragraphs to be ready for the start of school this year?
What if I told you that everything is going to be okay? What if I told you that whatever happened last spring happened exactly the way it was supposed to happen? I'm sure that even with the panic, hives, and overwhelm there were amazing moments that only would have happened with you and your children quarantined at home. Moments that never would have occurred had you been frantically providing rides to dance, karate, and soccer. Relish those moments. Eventually COVID will be gone and we will all be busy again. Eventually....
For now, COVID is here. As I write this, COVID cases are rising in the United States. Many states are experiencing a SURGE, and the certainty of children being back in our schools is completely uncertain. And if the doors do open, are you wondering if it's safe for your kids to go? There is still a possibility you may be the home school teacher for a little bit longer. Do you feel that panic sneaking back in?
I can help and I want to help! As a life coach, a former classroom teacher, an interventionist, and even a home school teacher, I can help you feel prepared to help your kids be successful in the '20-'21 school year. Nobody loves your babies like you do and that makes you the perfect person to help them navigate this crazy time.
Contact me for a free consult.