So many times, we stay in relationships that are not good for us... maybe even toxic. We do it for many reasons, but mostly we do it out of a place of insecurity.
Our thinking is to be worthy of someone's love; we must do things to keep the other person happy, even if the things we are doing cause us to feel great resentment in ourselves. We may not consciously think these thoughts because we have done it for so long it just feels like truth.
We have learned the habit of people-pleasing - but we don't call it people-pleasing - we mistakenly label it unconditional love. We feel almost virtuous in our actions, making ourselves small so someone else can feel big. We have been taught that self-sacrifice is how we should show kindness...
So we hand out "kindness" to others, and we treat ourselves like shit!
This is not what unconditional love looks like or feels like. Unconditional love will never rob you of love for yourself or make you act dishonestly. Telling someone you would love to watch their dog when they are out of town when you are actually allergic to dogs and dread doing this with every fiber of your being - to win their approval, not make them mad, or keep their love is people-pleasing.
Finding the ability to love yourself first is the first step in actually understanding unconditional love.
If this resonates with you and it is time for you to learn to love you, come spend an hour with me, and let's start to identify the areas in your life that you are people-pleasing. Let's help you find your voice. Click here to go to my calendar.